Carolyn's Fortune
by RevSue
Summary: After Mme. Tibaldi has brought up the idea of fortunetelling, Carolyn goes through her old diaries to review what she had written years earlier after seeing another fortuneteller.


Carolyn's Fortune (Sequel to _Medium Well Done_)

_Disclaimer: I don't own these characters nor do I make any money from this story._

It was a bright, sunny and unseasonably warm day in September. Carolyn had just finished her article on Mme Tibaldi, the children were in school, and Martha was in Schooner Bay doing the weekly grocery shopping and meeting Ed Peevey for lunch. Carolyn decided she needed some restful time at the water's edge, and she changed into her bathing suit to go lie on the beach. As she headed for the closet to get her cover-up, Carolyn glanced into the dresser mirror, and saw the Captain appear by the telescope.

His voice was disapproving as he said, "You're surely not going to appear in public with _that_ on, are you?"

"I've told you before, it's perfectly respectable." Carolyn spoke mildly, looking back at him over her shoulder.

Thunder rumbled through the room as his eyes swept up and down her figure. Carolyn's blood seemed to heat instantly and race through her body. Horrified at the wanton desire swamping her, she quickly tamped down on her thoughts, and slipped into the cover-up.

"I do not want others to see you ... you are not decent. Not by the standards of my time. Not in any time!" he growled.

She tilted her chin defiantly. "I'm sorry you don't think I'm decent, Captain, but ..."

"I am referring to what you are not wearing, madam, not your character."

"But I intend to go out to the beach." Carolyn ignored his interruption and continued speaking in an even voice. "I've finished my article, and I deserve some time to myself. And it _will_ be by myself. It is a private beach... hardly being seen out in public."

"That is your final say on the matter?"

"It is." she confirmed.

A final cacophony resounded, then the Captain vanished. Carolyn took a deep breath, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. _Was_ she crazy to be going to the beach? After all, it _was_ September! Usually sunbathing days finished in August. Her thoughts drifted to the article she had just finished, and the amazing days that had preceded its completion. Once more she relived the devastation she had felt when the Captain had disappeared at Mme Tibaldi's 'exorcism', and the deep joy the next morning when he had re-appeared. Carolyn wondered again about the quick tour through the house, Mme Tibaldi seeming to have sensed the Captain's presence. _Had_ the medium picked up something, or was she a complete fraud as the Captain believed?

Then Carolyn, as she watched herself in the mirror, touched her cheek the way Mme Tibaldi had after being kissed by the Captain. What would the Captain's kiss have felt like? Carolyn tried to imagine it - his lips on her cheek ... his lips on hers ... NO! She could not think like this! She whirled around and left the room, fleeing the house and its resident spirit. But she couldn't flee her mind and body ...

Down on the beach, Carolyn stretched out on a towel on the sand. Almost unwilling, she found herself thinking about the kiss Mme Tibaldi had felt. She was lying on her stomach with her arms crossed under her chin, staring at the ocean, wondering why the Captain had never tried to kiss _her_. She wasn't jealous of the other woman, was she? Nonsense! She didn't care. She couldn't! There was absolutely nothing like that between the Captain and herself, and never could be. She had accepted that long ago. Welcomed it. She didn't need more complications in her life.

Digging her toes into the sand, Carolyn pondered anew. If the Captain were alive, would he have marched up to her, swept her into his arms and carried her off to his ship? Would he have noticed her? Would he have kissed her senseless and paid no heed whatsoever to her half-formed pleas for time to sort out the questions in her heart as he made her his? She almost wished those times were still in style. It was hard being your own woman, responsible for yourself and your children every minute of every day. Strong and independent and needing no one to make your life whole. To believe _that_ was to deny the most basic element of humanity, of man and woman together. A partnership. An equal sharing.

But this was ridiculous! He was not alive, and that all there was to it. She had no way of knowing for sure how he felt because he had never _said_ anything. Propinquity could play a role in this, too. After all, she _was_ the only woman available right now. No, she had to stop thinking along these lines! And yet ... why could she not get thoughts of the Captain's kiss out of her mind? With a sigh, Carolyn rolled over and stared up into the blue sky. It was the deep, vivid blue of autumn ... blue like the Captain's eyes ...

Suddenly the Captain was standing in front of her, arms behind his back in his usual nonchalant pose. He rocked a bit forward on his toes, giving the impression that he was still standing on a rocking ship's deck.

Carolyn rose to a half-sitting position, propping herself on her elbows. "Why are you here? Checking up on me again?"

"Not at all." he spoke blandly. "Just wondering if you needed your coverup on. The sun is quite hot for this time of year, and it would not do to get a sunburn."

"Captain, how would you feel if I were to constantly check out what you were wearing?"

"I tend to be properly dressed at all times, Madam, and am quite decent and ready for inspection. Do I meet with your approval today?"

"Your clothes do," she conceded. "I'm not sure if _you_ do or not." On second thought, he did. He looked undeniably virile, a man in his prime. For one wild moment she imagined what it would be like to lie in bed beside him - but only for a moment. That way lay danger!

Uninvited, he sat down on the sand beside her.

"Make yourself comfortable," she said, pointedly.

"I did not think you would mind company," he spoke smoothly.

"You could have asked."

"Sometimes..." the Captain said, but he didn't finish.

"Sometimes what?"

"Sometimes it is not necessary to ask certain people."

"You're talking in circles." Carolyn flipped over on to her stomach and pillowed her head on her arms. In that position, she couldn't see him, but she was fully aware of him only a foot or so away from her. For the first time, she wished her bathing suit covered a bit more of her body.

"Right now you are wishing that you had more clothes on," he said only inches from her ear, his voice light and teasing.

Carolyn felt herself start to blush and kept her face turned away. "Don't you have something to do, Captain? Work on sea charts or something?" she said crossly.

He said nothing, but she knew he hadn't gone. Peeking, she saw him sitting beside her, appearing as comfortable as he would have looked striding the deck of his ship. His hand was close, and she covertly studied it. Those hands ... she could imagine them on the wheel of a ship. So strong, so capable ... yet so tender. They would know exactly how to caress her. Thinking of it, her skin tingled in anticipation and desire. She drew a long, shuddering breath, desperately wanting to stop thinking about what she should or shouldn't want that was impossible!

'Let it happen,' urged her inner voice. 'Just let it.' Or _was_ it her inner voice? Carolyn angled her head to look up at the Captain, wondering if it was he who had said those words. But no, he was only looking at her with compassion, a look that melted her. She felt drenched in a sudden, inexplicable eroticism; it made her tremble. She lifted her head only a fraction more, and the light of understanding leaped in his eyes. Carolyn sat up abruptly. Whatever spell had held her in its grip was broken. The magic was gone. As it should be! she told herself fiercely.

The Captain spoke. "I trust you have put that silly, twittering fraud's words out of your mind now that you are finished your article, madam. Did you hear the fortunes she was telling your children? Balderdash!"

"Mme Tibaldi _was_ a little ... different." Carolyn admitted. "You know, Captain, I just remembered that I went to see a fortuneteller when I was fifteen. My friend's grandmother from the old country. They said she had second sight and she was fey. She read auras."

"Auras?"

"Hmm. She simply looked at me, told me my colour, and started talking about me ... my present as well as my future. I'd almost forgotten. I wrote down as much as I could remember in my diary ... I should look it up."

The Captain's eyebrows lowered into a puzzled scowl. "Why?"

Carolyn shrugged. "Curiosity. I can't remember much about it ... she was only here for a two week visit. My friend Fiona moved away shortly after that, and I didn't talk with anyone about auras and aura readings again."

"What is your colour?" the Captain asked, interested in spite of his skepticism.

"Mostly blue, from what I remember. Some green. Flashes of yellow and orange." Carolyn pulled on her coverup and stood up. "I think I'll go dig out that diary. I should have put something like _this_ in the article, too! If only I had remembered sooner! I studied what I could find about auras and colours for a week after seeing Mrs. MacIntyre, but there wasn't a lot. I have what I learned written down."

"I'd be interested in seeing it, if you wouldn't mind." the Captain said, standing beside her. "That prattling ninny who claimed to be a medium was pretending, but she never mentioned auras and such. Yet I have heard of this phenomenon."

"I was interested in writing even at that age, so filled my diaries with a lot of words, if nothing else." Carolyn laughed. "But yes, I'll look them over and make sure I didn't say anything too embarrassing, then you are welcome to read it."

"Or you could read it to me." he suggested. "That way, you can leave out any parts you do not wish me to see."

"That would work." Carolyn nodded thoughtfully. Slipping into her sandals, she made her way back up the cliff, the Captain at her side.

Rummaging through her closet, Carolyn finally found the box containing her old journals. She curled up in the chair in her room, and the Captain sat at her desk chair. Flipping through a couple of the books, Carolyn finally looked up and smiled.

"I found it. This is what I wrote: Today Fiona took me to meet her grandmother who was over from Scotland for two weeks. Mrs. MacIntyre supposedly has what she calls 'second sight', and Fiona said she would tell me what she knows about me. I find this hard to believe, and a little scary, that someone can look at me and know things. I don't know if I like it. But I wanted to see what she said. I thought maybe she could tell me whether or not I'll ever be a writer, or a teacher or a nurse. And I wanted to know when I'll be married and how many children I'll have. Fiona took me up to her grandmother's room and introduced me, then left. Mrs. MacIntyre sat at a card table and I sat across from her. She said that she didn't want to use a tape recorder and that I would be able to write it down as she spoke. I wrote down most of what she said. First of all, she talked about auras ... the colours surrounding every living thing. She said my aura is mostly blue, but has shades of green running through it, with flecks of orange and yellow. I couldn't see anything when I looked. Then I asked what the colours meant, and she told me. The blue is for the spirit ... these people have found their work and are immersed in it. They are apt to be moody and are almost always unusual people, but they have a mission and they steadfastly go about fulfilling it. A person with a blue aura is usually dedicated to unselfish causes such as science, art or social service. Many writers are blue. I hope this means I _will_ be a writer some day! The green, when it's blended with the blue, is someone who is helpful and trustworthy. She said I also have some pure emerald streaks which characterize people who are helpful, strong, friendly and healing. So maybe I'll be a nurse, too. The yellow stands for the mind, health and well-being. These people take care of themselves, don't worry much, learn easily, and are happy, friendly and helpful. So that's two 'friendly's' I have going for me! The orange are people who are self-controlled and indicate thoughtfulness and consideration of others. Mrs. MacIntyre said she was surprised that I didn't have any pink or coral in me because most young people have at least a touch in their aura ... it's a sign of immaturity. I'm glad she thinks I'm mature. I wish my parents could hear this. I don't know if I'll ever be allowed to date. But they wouldn't understand. They would think Mrs. MacIntyre was crazy. I think she's wonderful. Anyway, after she told me about the colours, she just started talking. I wrote as fast as I could."

Carolyn stopped reading for a moment, and looked up at the Captain. "This is rather embarrassing, this next part. I'm not sure I want you to know this much about me."

"I am thoroughly intrigued so far, madam."

Sighing, Carolyn looked back at the book. "Well, just remember, this is what _she_ said. She told me that I was very clever and I use my mind, but my vivid imagination is inclined to run away with me, and I must learn to control it."

"And have you?" the Captain put in, softly.

Carolyn's eyes met his. She thought of her vivid thoughts just a short time before on the beach. "I'm still trying." she spoke wryly. Then she turned her attention back to her journal. "She said I was old for my age. I had the body of a girl of 15, but the soul and mind of someone much older, therefore I can mix with many generations and be comfortable with those younger than myself as well as older."

"_That_ certainly seems true enough." the Captain spoke a little grimly. Obviously he thought he fit in with this.

Carolyn smiled faintly at him, thinking that while he was indeed over one hundred years older in one sense, he _appeared_ to be only about ten years older, which certainly was nothing right now! Then she continued reading. "She said I am very independent, and I choose a path, not because it's well worn, but because its destination is my own. At times I will make mistakes, but I have the strength to overcome them. She told me that making a decision takes very little courage, but living with the consequences does. I will learn this, and will find I have the courage."

For a moment, Carolyn stopped reading. She couldn't believe Mrs. MacIntyre had said that. Why hadn't she read this before? It would have been very handy to read when Robert was pressuring her to elope with him. Certainly it had come true. It hadn't taken her long to choose Robert, but she had required a lot of courage, strength and fortitude to live with him and to carry on after his death. Carolyn cleared her throat, and continued reading aloud.

"She told me I would marry and have two children, a girl and a boy. They would be my salvation in a dark period of my life. She wouldn't tell me anything more about that. It makes me very curious. She could see that I would be facing many excuses in my future. I would expect something from someone and wouldn't get what I thought. Instead, I'd be given many excuses and I would have to deal with that. I really didn't understand that part, but I think she meant that people will always be making excuses for their behaviour, and I will have to learn to live with them, anyway. She said excuses are as numerous as grains of sand on the beach, they are often labouriously shaped into castles — and quickly demolished when the tide rises."

"A fitting analogy." the Captain remarked.

Thinking of Robert's myriad of excuses for his less-than-exemplary behaviour throughout their five years of marriage, Carolyn agreed silently. She continued to read. "I will find that water will play an important part in my life. The soothing effects associated with water in any form will take the edges off the annoyances of daily life." She paused then looked at the Captain. "You know, I always loved the sea, but never had much to do with it in Philadelphia. I'd try to get down to the beach once a year, just to _see_ it, but I never spent much time near it. Since coming to Gull Cottage, I've revelled in the proximity of the waves. I love looking out the bedroom window and seeing infinity stretched out before me."

"I, too, my dear." he nodded in complete agreement, his eyes dark with emotion as he looked at her.

Carolyn wondered what he was seeing when he appeared to be reading her thoughts and examining her character, then she looked back at the book in her hands. To her surprise, it was trembling slightly. She steadied it and took a deep breath.

"Mrs. MacIntyre told me that I have to keep my dreams. Experience will drag my head from the clouds and I will learn to be practical and reason things out. I may have to live with my feet firmly on the ground, but she said that it doesn't hurt to dream. I'm not to forsake my imagination and my dreams." Carolyn stopped again, and smiled crookedly. With Robert gone, she had to write to make a living and she had two children to raise. She barely had time to _sleep_, much less dream. And somehow, when she _did_ dream these days, they all seemed to centre around a certain sea captain ...

"She said I had to be aware that time can be given, lost or misplaced, but never returned. I'm not sure I really understand this, but she told me to write it down and someday I would know. Then she started to tell me about my love life." Carolyn's voice trailed off and she scanned the next few lines. She looked up at the Captain.

He cleared his throat. "Well," he said, "I don't need to know anything _that_ personal. I thank you, madam, for reading this to me. It was indeed enlightening. Although I question how anyone could know a person just by looking at them and thinking they see a colour. Still, I do like what she said about time which cannot be returned." Carolyn gazed inquiringly at him, but he shook his head. "I will see you later, Mrs. Muir." and he was gone.

Carolyn looked back at her journal, and read over the sentences again she had penned half a lifetime ago. 'You will leave Philadelphia and break away from everything you hold dear, except your children. You will think that your heart is buried and you have no further need of that organ. Instead, you will go to the water, and you will find your heart's desire and meet your destiny. An older man, who loves you deeply, will always be near to help you. I wonder if they mean my father? I hope so.' Carolyn smiled at her fifteen year old self, but her heart was full. Mrs. MacIntyre had seen the Captain in her future. She was sure of it.

She continued reading. 'I see someone in the background of your life who seems to be much older in some way, but you have an old head on your shoulders. This person seems to be from a vastly different background. You will have to engineer the relationship because he feels he does not have the right to love you. This person is your destiny, and you will know this immediately, although it will take you both some time to accept it.'

Reading this, Carolyn suddenly had a revelation. Of course! The Captain probably _did_ feel he had no right to love her, given his circumstances! She read the last few sentences again, pondering the truths. Did she have the nerve to engineer any kind of relationship, assuming Mrs. MacIntyre was right and that the Captain did love her?

Thoughtfully, Carolyn closed her diary and shut her eyes, leaning her head on the back of her chair. So many emotions were coursing through her right now. She was amazed, almost incredulous at what she had read and how she had forgotten all about it until now. She hadn't heard from Fiona since a few weeks after this episode, and she wondered now where the other woman was. It would be good to try to find her and let her know how her grandmother's fortune telling had come true.

Then she heard the sound of the car returning ... Martha was back with the children! Carolyn put the journal on the desk and quickly dressed again. She threw her bathing suit into the laundry hamper, and went downstairs to be with her family. The memories were pushed into the back of her mind for the time being, but she knew she wouldn't forget again. The question that still had her mulling things over was whether or not she could engineer a more intimate kind of relationship with the Captain. Perhaps what they had was all that was meant to be? Could it satisfy her? Should she still be looking for more? Either from him or from ... someone else? She rejected that idea instantly. No. Never anyone else.

"Mom?" Candy's voice penetrated her thinking. "Are you all right?"

Starting, Carolyn looked up and found her children and Martha staring at her. "Oh, sorry. Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking ..."

"Another story or article?" Martha didn't wait for an answer. She just shook her head. "Writers!"

Carolyn smiled faintly, but didn't respond. Instead, she tried her best to listen to the children as they talked about their day.

Later that night, after the children were in bed and Martha had retired to her room, Carolyn made her way out on to the balcony. She was exhausted, just wanting to fall into bed, but was afraid she would not be able to sleep. She stood by the wheel, rubbing her cheek on it as she trained her eyes on the moonlit waters of the bay.

"May I intrude, Madam?" came the voice she was longing to hear.

Carolyn turned and smiled. "It's not an intrusion, Captain. It's your wheel ..."

"Aye." He came up and his arms went around her to clasp the wheel on either side of her. She pressed back against the wheel, looking up at him, her heart pounding.

"You seem to have been in another world since reading your journal, my dear." he spoke quietly, his eyes on hers. "Was it disturbing to you? I could not help but notice that the children were forced to compete for your attention."

"It wasn't disturbing ... not really." She paused, then added, "It was just reading about ... my love life ..."

"Love has you upset? Or lack of it?"

Carolyn was silent for a long time. Then she twisted in the circle of his arms, and rested her own hands on the wheel just under his. "I thought I loved Robert," she said at last. "Maybe I never really did, since it didn't last the way love should. Sometime I'd like to feel so much in love that I don't know where I leave off and the other person begins. I'd like a really deep soul connection that lasts forever. Do you believe that's possible?" she asked wistfully, gazing out across the moonlit bay and not at him.

The Captain spoke in a husky voice, "I have heard love songs and read books, and I hope that the people who write them know what they are talking about. Certain kinds of love are forever. They defy all boundaries and evade all reason."

Carolyn smiled waveringly. "I hope so," was all she said.

"I know so." His voice was deep and significant.

Carolyn turned back to him, looking deep into his eyes and seeing how much he loved her. He may never say it, but all her doubts melted away; the Captain was right for her and for the children. Only moments ago, she had been so tired that all she could think about was sleep. Now she felt energized, pulsing with excitement about the future, about her life, about love. She knew the secret. Suddenly everything had become clear. Love was not one dimensional, merely a joining of bodies, although that was a big part of it. Love was a unique blending of the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual as well as the physical. Maybe there were even more dimensions to love than she had ever dreamed, just as there were more dimensions to reality than she had ever suspected before moving to Gull Cottage.

Time and space evaporated. All that was left was the future, stretching before them, her soul within his, his soul within hers, a future of love forever and ever. Somehow, for the space of a split second, she had touched eternity.

The End


End file.
